It's amazing how the Lord counsels His children. He always knows the very best way to teach us a lesson. Lately He's been teaching me how to truly receive His grace, and as an outflow to truly give to others.
Aaron and I have been married for almost three months....crazy!!! It's been so fun. So wonderful. So perfect. It's everything I prayed for and much, much more. This is the first classroom where the Lord began His lessons on giving and receiving.
Aaron knows me. Really well. He KNOWS me. All the ins and outs and ups and downs. He knows them. When I'm trying to bottle emotions, feelings, thoughts, he has an innate sense for it and immediately asks me whats up. I can't get away with much. And I'm grateful for him holding me accountable in this way. But I've found that sometimes I do manage to outsmart him and keep things to myself. It's quite subconscious really, but the Lord has been showing me how I sometimes resist him knowing me truly, by hiding behind the things that I do and say. This is the worst case scenario. And the crazy thing is that they're the tiniest little things. That's why they slip by unnoticed. Little feelings, little secrets that burrow themselves deeply into my heart never to be revealed to the outside world. They are little remnants of my flesh, that have not yet been dealt with and thrown out. I've died to self and now live in Christ, but somehow these dark little secrets sneak in past my spiritual armor. Somewhere there is a gap, a spot of vulnerability, and my Enemy knows it.
Sometimes the gap is created by a moment of selfishness, pride, fear, doubt, stress, or busyness. And I know that I am declared free from these laws of sin and death, but I choose to allow them to take hold of me anyway. I am still human. I cannot be holy and blameless unless I am ever-presently IN Jesus Christ my Lord. But if I am in Jesus, He gives me the weapons and tools I need to keep these little dark secrets out! If I would only receive Him. That's the real disconnect.
I must start my days by receiving again the grace, love, faith, hope, and fruits of the Spirit that the Word promises to me. I must realize again that I am in need, unless I receive from my God. Because He is the only One Who knows what I need.
It is the same with Aaron, I must receive his vows to me of love and commitment each and every day. This means that not only do I need to see clearly what he has promised me, but I also must make the decision to take hold of it, and trust that it is real and true. Only then can I bare my all to him, trusting him with my whole life. Only then am I truly experiencing this love that the Lord has given us. I must fully receive it without restraint. And it takes discipline and diligence to daily choose to trust, and to love, and to serve. It's not natural to us.
Without knowing how to genuinely receive from the Lord, I had not been able to genuinely give. What joy it is to give like Jesus gives, fully, selflessly, without restraint, knowing that what we give away comes from the Father above. That is the greatest reward of living in Christ Jesus, because without Him it would be utterly impossible.
