Cupcakes and Teddy Bears

Today I celebrated my one year anniversary with my sweet, red-headed man.  I got him two cupcakes from a nearby bakery (we weren't impressed with them but now we know), and he surprised me with a dozen red roses and a cuddly, hazelnut-colored teddybear.  It was a lovely afternoon despite the fact that he had a full day of work amidst it all.  Later tonight we're looking forward to watching a movie or beginning the final season of "Lost" on Netflix!

As the day approached I was doing alot of reminiscing over the past year.  From the first day we met, through all the goodbyes, and all the anxious, butterfly-ridden hellos.  How precious the letters, the songs, the pictures, the plane tickets, the dried flowers, all the things we've collected from this lapse of time we've been in a relationship.  It was pretty surreal to think that we had been together for a whole year.  It was flying by way faster than I sensed it was.

We're getting ready for another tough goodbye.  I'm a little out of practice so it's been a struggle to keep my emotions at bay.  But it's interesting, because I'm not crying the same tears that I was before.

All the times we said goodbye before I wasn't just sad, I was terrified.  Each time I got to laugh and smile and enjoy being near him, I was gripped with the fear of never experiencing those things again.  The tears that soaked my cheeks were of fear and doubt and insecurity.  I was so afraid that it wouldn't last.  I was so afraid of standing alone for any period of time.

But folks, I'm proud to tell you that I haven't been crying those tears of insecurity this time.  If only I could express to you how faithful our Jesus has been to refine me over the past six months.  I feel like I have a new heart that is far more capable of loving people than it ever was before.  I have experienced the well of living water filling me from the inside out and pouring Himself on those around me.  It is amazing.

So as we celebrate our first year of falling in love with each other, and falling deeper in love with our Jesus, we prepare for another season of separation.  The Lord is preparing us for big things.  I am so excited about the many possibilities on the horizon.  However, I want to strive to live in this moment, the precious "here and now" where I find warm nights, starry skies, "Lost" marathons, and iced coffee.

Until we meet again...